Talk that works

What would it be like if you felt comfortable speaking up, even if there was blowback from the other person?

What would it be like to

  • be both firm, as well as kind?

  • address challenging conversations without overthinking?

  • come home from work knowing you kept your cool, spoke truthfully and openly - while resolving a difficult situation?

You know what those challenging conversations are like (these are all based on my client’s situations)

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I can’t make the meeting because of the fridge/dog-groomer/hairdresser’s appointment

(Organise work around me, not me around work)

You've been trying to get everybody together for a meeting and after much to-ing and fro-ing it's organised for this coming Wednesday 2pm.

Then you get a message from Clara saying she can't make it at 2pm - can it be 3pm?  "The fridge is being delivered". 

It's been ages since you've met as a team. You've had to coordinate the schedules of seven people.

You impressed the importance to your team of showing you can still function as a team when you're working remotely.  After all, the organisation wants everyone back in the office.

While Clara works well and isn’t afraid of asking for what she wants, sometimes you wonder whether she wants the workplace to be organised around her, rather than organising herself around the work.  

Now someone else has piped in to say that they can't possibly meet any later because “the dog groomer is coming at 3pm” and they implied that if it was all right for one person to move the meeting, it should be okay for them …

You need to address this behaviour - because it's spreading through the team like mould on walls … and there is pressure on you to get everyone working back in the office full-time.

Can't your team see you're trying to defend their rights?

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I’ll go over your head to get my leave approved

(I'll subvert your authority when it doesn't suit me)

It's busy coming up to the end of year when you need to process payrolls and holiday pay. One of your staff has asked for full leave, right now, in the busiest period.  They've been there much longer than you, and they know the policies - they also know the managing partners.

When you refuse they go around you and get a ‘yes’ from one of the partners, in fact, your boss.  They are a good person, but occasionally they make decisions in a bit of a rush without consulting - and sometimes these decisions rightly belong to you.

You need to have this conversation with your manager - but you don't want to come across as telling them off.  It's not the first time it's happened. 

Your partner is telling you to speak up - so are some of your friends.  But your manager can be testy. Even though she says she's always got an open door, she can be pretty short at times. 

It's only a holiday, your team member has the leave and it's now been approved but ... your boss should not be overruling your decisions.  

You feel icky if you don't have the conversation - but anxious when you think about it.

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I’ll take the loaves of bread if I want to - and come in when it suits me

(My reaction will be so strong you’ll think twice before you approach me)

Frank's been in the workplace a long, long time and is known for being a little “belligerent”.
He comes and goes as he pleases, even using the company car park to teach his niece to drive on the weekends when the gates are meant to be locked.

Now the lab people have raised the fact that someone keeps helping themselves to the test loaves for the bakery -and it turns out to be Frank
He comes in when it suits him, disregarding the three days in office edict.

You need to talk to him but you , you know he will be angry and you don't want blowback.

If only they would do the right thing - so you wouldn't have have the discussion.  You now noticed there are fewer people coming into the office on your agreed team day.

You pretty sure you got the look from the your boss’s boss - time for you to take action. But their expected aggro is putting you off.

Are you ready to:

Address issues as they arise, without overthinking, procrastinating, or letting them fester into larger problems?

  • Handle challenging personalities?

  • Give really effective feedback without mincing your words, but also not sound harsh?

  • Resolve conflicts quickly and effectively, particularly sensitive and difficult situations?

“My promise to you: it’s more than possible to be both firm, as well as kind. You will not only become a more effective leader, but your team will appreciate your clarity, confidence, and sensitivity.”

Talk that Works is a group coaching program where you will learn "talk that works”.

Who this is for:

This program is for you if you:

  1. Have great technical skills but need to work through a team or collaborate with others to achieve your goals

  2. Don't want to be a walkover – but don't want to be unkind either

  3. Have to give feedback

  4. Have to deal with 'tricky' personalities

  5. Need to give 'bad' news and/or anticipate 'blowback’

  6. Need to work under pressure, or in challenging situations

  7. Need to be an effective communicator because you don't have all the time in the world

  8. Want to reduce the anxiety around challenging conversations

You don't need to be a leader or manage others to benefit – you just have to be in a position where you need to work with others with whom you may not always see eye to eye.

Topics

What we'll cover:

  1. How to have challenging or difficult conversations

  2. How to manage your nerves

  3. Three different scripts you can use in any challenging situation

  4. A template for preparing for conversations

  5. Practice at staying calm 

  6. Practical application to real life scenarios

  7. One-to-one AND group coaching

You will be encouraged to prepare for and practice actual conversations that you’ll need to have back in the workplace.

Essential information 

  • Available face:face or online.

  • One to two days as multi-session or concentrated blocks.

  • highly practical and pragmatic

  • can be face-to-face or over Zoom

  • Unlimited coaching support for 90 days following the program

Investment

POA

Why it’s so hard to have ‘hard conversations’ - even when they’re justified!

Imagine this – a true story from my coaching client ‘Rachel’.

Your direct report smokes a lot, and, it’s a tiny office.

They’re lovely, supportive, collaborative – they backed you up when a client started screaming down the phone – and you sense check each other’s emails every single day. Plus, they bring cake!

But the smoking is driving you nuts. Whenever they return to the office it stinks up big time. They’re a heavy smoking and it’s been going on a year.

You tried to bring it up without mentioning it directly – but nothing changed.

The stink is making you sick - and it is a really small office.

So how do you speak up – especially when you really like the person and you need to work closely together forever after?

You’re afraid of the blowback.

To add to this, you both applied for your current role and you got it.

They recovered from missing out, but you’re scared of unearthing resentment.

‘Rachel’ (my client) was so afraid of talking to them, that she asked me to coach her.

It’s not about smoking – it’s about the shared space, which is small (and stinky).

It’s about respecting your own needs in balance with other’s free choice.

If Rachel speaks up - she is very likely to get blowback. 

It might destroy the relationship (hasn’t Rachel given the other person a lot of power?)

If she doesn’t speak up, what kind of messages is Rachel giving herself?

Continually neglecting your own needs will undermine your self-confidence over time.

I advised Rachel that challenging conversations ARE hard because we conflate giving feedback with judgement.

Feedback is telling someone the effect of their actions (on you/the team/the organisation).  

Judgement is saying that somebody’s behaviour is “good’ or “bad”.  They are not the same thing.

We find it hard because we’re generally not taught how to give feedback well.  We don’t want the other person to feel bad, so we don’t say anything at all.

We struggle because we:

  1. Conflate feedback with judgement

  2. Don’t know how to do it really respectfully

  3. Believe that we are responsible for the other person’s feelings.

The fix is simple but also difficult.  

I gave Rachel a script to use and helped her practise, along with some prompts to shift her thinking:

  1. Your only job is to speak respectfully - how the other person responds is up to them.

  2. Feedback is good and appropriate.  Judgement is not.  Use kind, non-judgemental language.

  3. Accept that you may get some blowback. That doesn’t mean you’ve done the wrong thing.

If you don’t do that – where does it end?

When else will you not speak up for your truth?

And, the hidden gem of doing this is that you will deepen trust – which is absolutely invaluable in the workplace.

Rachel had the conversation.  

It was sticky and upsetting to start.

But now they’re recovered - and both Rachel and her colleague have a newfound respect for each other (and they addressed the issue of the smoke smell).

Most importantly, Rachel was able to back herself.  And that is a skill that is now having a ripple effect - positive benefits extending to her other colleagues, friends and family.

Is it a hard conversation that stops you backing yourself? 
When will you speak up? 
What is the compounding cost if you don’t?

It doesn't have to be that way.  

Get in touch if you’d like to make hard conversations easier: cris@crispopp.com