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Fix the world or change your footwear? Why perspective beats control

How to increase your resilience in a VUCA world

When things are not going your way you can either:

1.      change the external environment (the stressor)

2.      change yourself

Which one builds your resilience more?

The first is what we normally reach for. It’s sometimes entirely appropriate e.g. if you are in an abusive situation, you need to find safety.

In truth, both approaches work in tandem.

sneakers, heels, boots, sandals, even mismatched pairs — symbolizing different journeys, perspectives, and approaches to life

Sometimes, though you cannot change the external situation or it would be too difficult or costly.

Consider these:

  •  A restructure - you could move to another company, but there will always be another restructure.

  • Can you separate your wellbeing from your career?

  • Your kids don’t appreciate what you’ve done for them?  It would be great if they did, but there always be someone who doesn’t.
    Wouldn’t it be better to appreciate yourself?

  • Didn’t get acknowledged for your good work?  It’s unfair and not right.  But who said the world is meant to be a fair place?

  • Another driver blocks the intersection?  Don’t they know how to drive?
    Who is suffering by being upset about that - you or the other driver?

  • One of my pet peeves: dog owners who don’t pick up after the dog - yet I’ve got the right to use that park too.

  • Does ruminating on their poor behaviour help resolve the issue?

There will always be something unfair/bad partners/people who push into queues/policies you don’t like/irritating colleagues/micromanaging bosses.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t deal with these - I am saying that resilience lies in how you respond:

  • don’t ruminate on them

  • don’t rely on externalities to feel successful

  • find your own joy

By all means fix the underlying cause.  Just don’t let your happiness depend on things going your way.

Personal transformation is more effective and practical than trying to change external circumstances.

How? The calmest person wins.

Message me to find out about my new program “How to deal with challenging situations and difficult conversations effectively”. I respond to all emails personally!

#personaldevelopment #resilience #calmestpersonwins #crispopp

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