The stories we tell ourselves: Why your self-definition matters more than you think
My friend Jamie, who was also my business partner at the time, is calm, moderated, and the most optimistic person I know. Which is why my stomach dropped when he hung up his phone and said, “we’ve got a problem.”
Jamie and I were co-founders of a biomedical start-up making fantastic new products helping millions of people with depression and dementia. My co-founder Jamie launching our first product on the 50th floor of the Rialto building. We had an exclusive license from Merck pharmaceuticals, received a patent, a government innovation grant, and raised $3 million. By 2019 we were valued, conservatively, at $80 million. As the COO, I owned about 12% of the company (about $10m) - not bad for a bloke from St. Albans that got kicked out of uni.
Feeling good about your life and career? Then NOW is the time to take action to preserve your hard-earned gains. By all means, enjoy your success – but preserve and safeguard it, too.
I learned the hard way.
It was late in the day, everyone else had left the office and Jamie had taken a call from a regulatory authority - essentially wanting to shut down our business.
It was the first of many problems that came our way over the next 12 months. Production losses, returned stock, shipping problems, negotiating with our European partners, some staff issues - but mostly the government, breathing down our neck.
We negotiated extensively with the authority (you’ll know their name). I stayed up late, came up with ingenious ways to fix our production losses, we sourced new partners and suppliers, we resolved our staffing challenges - but all the time it was hard and we were fighting a losing battle.
There were some other things going wrong as well; a relationship breakdown, my apartment covered in flammable cladding; one of my best mates acquiring a brain injury, etc
One morning I woke up and realised the chances of the company surviving were very, very slim. That was followed immediately by the thought “what’s the point of going on?”.
I had invested everything into it, including some of the best earning years of my life. My whole identity was tied up with being a start-up founder (a very cool moniker in Melbourne’s entrepreneurial scene.
But I could see the writing on the wall. And if the company went so did my identity. And if I had no identity what was the point? Who was I going to be? What would my future look like? The start-up was going to be my swansong – after which I would retire.
On this morning I became very afraid. I realised I was going to need to make some big changes to my self-perception - because otherwise the alternative would be checking out early.
I’m still here, so obviously something worked. It was a valuable lesson not rely on ‘externalities’ – especially when everything is going your way.
So if you’re at the top of your game – if everything is going well right now - why not take some actions that will preserve your wellbeing. Think of them as insurance that hopefully you’ll never need:
1. Build a life – not just a career
Are you identifying too closely with your job and/or status? Start to think of what else you are apart from that. I couldn't come up with much else at first - so I started thinking of myself as someone who wrote bicycle to work. Then I remembered that I like hiking. Then I started to reengage with social network. In other words, add some other strings to your bow.
2. Create a good life
Imagine how life can be enjoyable and worthwhile - without all your current success. Will still be able to laugh with your friends. You can still take holidays (camping is cheap). Food still tastes good. And a laugh is free.
The author creating a good life after the demise of his start up
3. Don’t wait
Don’t wait until things go awry to separate your sense of self from your success. My mate who got the brain injury went from being a beautiful, creative, successful person,one day – to needing 24-hour care the next day. I should never have had all my eggs in the “I’m a hip start-up founder” basket. I should have invested more in life outside of work and career - and even outside of family.
So - are you feeling successful?
Enjoy it.
Savour it.
Just don’t let that be all of you.
Find who you are that doesn’t:
cost money;
depend on a job/position/career
depend on a role i.e. parent/child/sibling/friend
Circumstances always change - it’s too risky to derive your reason for living from them. You need to be more than the circumstances you find yourself in.
Drop me a line and share your experience of finding meaning. I respond to all emails personally.
#personaldevelopment #resilience #calmestpersonwins #crispopp