Toughen Up’ Is Overrated: 3 Myths About Resilience You Need to Unlearn

Three myths about resilience (and what really works)

Get over it. Get on with it. Harden up.

That's the conventional wisdom to become more resilient.  

What a load of crap -  the opposite is true.

When you face some sort of major challenge, and you want to bounce back better than you were before …

• You don't need to “get over it” - you need to go through it.

• You don't need to “get on with it" - you need to pause.

• You don't need to “harden up” - you need to soften down.

In fact, during a really tough time you need more self-compassion - not less.

You need self-compassion combined with brutal honesty about your circumstances and unshakeable faith that somehow, you'll get through.

• Self-compassion will keep you kind and open to what's going on.

• Brutal honesty will make sure you’re building on a sound foundation.

• Unshakeable faith will keep you going even if you can't see a light.

That is true resilience

Hardening up will just make you brittle.

Like an egg, you might develop a hard exterior shell, but once you punch through it's just a soft gooey mess with no substance.

You want to be firm, but resilient all the way through.  Think of those bouncy magic rubber balls - the more pressure you put on them, the higher they bounce back.

So next time you face some adversity - and you're feeling the pain:

1. soften down and feel it (it's called name it to tame it)

2.  Go through what you're going through and don't try to ‘get over it’

3.  Give yourself time to recover - don’t rush to ‘get on with it’

Don't be like the drill sergeant in the picture - a lonely hard-arse to the end (taken from Stanley Kubrick’s “Full Metal Jacket”)

Truly resilient people are present to their experience - painful as it may be. 

If you keep going sooner or later you will get through.  If you just keep going, eventually, eventually, eventually you will prevail (though it may take a long time)).  There is no other way. It's not a question of 'if', but 'when'. 

If you want to make that journey a bit quicker - get yourself on the waitlist for my next intake of "Build professional and personal resilience".

If you want to go it alone - my three tips above will help - but why go it alone?  You go further and faster with others.

Email me for a free copy of my resilience compass – it’s helped many others get through tough times more easily and quickly.

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